Jeopardy: Dunder-Mifflin Edition
by JonoGwood
Summary: Thanks to corporate, the Scranton branch is chosen as the taping location of a new Jeopardy episode. What could possibly go wrong? Set during Season 4.
1. Chapter 1

Michael, grinning, spoke to the camera: "Today, the crew from Jeopardy – America's favourite quiz show, by the way – are coming to our office to host a game. Of course, it's sponsored by corporate. I think they want to show the nation that Dunder-Mifflin has the biggest brains behind the desks of our office. Well, everyone except Toby. I think he might have failed an IQ test once."

With the camera following him, Michael entered the conference room, where he had assembled the employees of the Scranton branch. "Okay everyone, the Sony crew will be here in half an hour to film the Dunder-Mifflin edition of Jeopardy. Now, before they arrive, you will have to know a lot about a lot of things. I'm not told what topics they have, but I gather they're pretty brainy. I'm allowing everyone to use Wikipedia for 30 minutes to brush up on their skills."

"But Wikipedia isn't the most reliable source of information," Toby objected.

"Toby, did I ask you to offer your pearls of wisdom?" Michael snapped. "Clearly, I didn't, so could you please not ruin this experience for everyone?" Toby didn't speak for a while after that.

"Now, before I was so rudely interrupted" – Michael gave Toby the stink eye – "you are to use the next 30 minutes as research time. Off you go!"

After a frankly unproductive "research time", the Jeopardy crew arrived at reception, including Alex Trebek. "Ah, Alex, welcome to our humble abode," greeted Michael. I mean, it's an office, but you know, it's an abode all the same. I'd better rally the troops

"Oh, it's no problem – we have to get the set ready. We'll tell you when we're done. Your troops are fine."

"Are you sure? I can get Kevin over there to help. He could use the energy." He pointed at Kevin Malone, one of the accountants, as he spoke.

"No, we're quite fine on our end," Alex said, staring at Michael a little. Then he went off with the camera crew to set up.

"I win every game of Jeopardy on television," Dwight explained to the camera. "I don't actually win in real life, of course. I use my highly intelligent mind to correctly guess the answers to the clues. Schrutes are renowned thinkers."

"Dwight, are you sure you have to memorise all the countries of Africa?" Jim asked in an irritated manner. Dwight was mumbling what seemed like names of countries.

"Jim, this is important," he replied snootily. "I want to show the other branches that ours has the mental capacity of a thousand supercomputers."

Jim smirked and returned to Wikipedia's article on panthers.

"I have a feeling the combined intelligence of the office would power an Apple II. I'm being serious," Jim confessed to the camera. "But, our combined procrastination would probably power an Alienware laptop. So there's that."

Alex Trebek eventually emerged from the warehouse. He came to the main office and simply stood there, waiting. All eyes instantly turned to him when he casually coughed.

"We're about to start taping," he explained. "If any of you consider yourselves geniuses, you're welcome to join. There can only be 3 contestants, I'm afraid. Good luck."

"Deciding who will represent our branch is sort of like choosing between John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix or Bono to represent the world's greatest songwriter – they're all brilliant. Toby, of course, is the exception. Even if he got on the show, he'd probably end up with negative 200 dollars."

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	2. The Contestants

**Author's Note: Thanks for the three people that have reviewed! In actual fact, I'd put this story on hiatus as I was working on my other stories for a while. I'm now going to put this story back "into production". Your reviews made me realise people were reading this, and it was important motivation. So, in short, it means a lot!**

 **On to the story!**

Michael had gathered his employees back into the conference room for a meeting.  
"Okay, what I am going to do now is pull out three names out of a hat," he explained. "Those three names will appear on Jeopardy. The rest just get to swim in a pool of tears. Your tears. You know, because you didn't…"

"Michael, just get it over with," cut in Oscar.

"Okay, okay, sheesh," muttered Michael as he drew out the first name.

"Stanley Hudson!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Stanley muttered.

"Ryan Howard!"

Ryan stared at Michael, visibly shocked.

"Last but not least…" Silence hung in the air for a brief moment.

"Creed Bratton!"

This time the entire office turned to face Creed, who had an expression of pure delight on his face.

"I've always wanted to be on The Price is Right," he beamed.

* * *

The warehouse had been converted into the Jeopardy set partly by the warehouse workers and partly by the camera crew.

It was here that Michael brought the three contestants to meet Alex Trebek, the host.

"This is our token black guy, Stanley Hudson," Michael began.

"I don't think that's very professional of you to call one of your co-workers a 'token black guy', Michael," replied Alex. "In fact, that's racist."

"See, that's the problem with the 21st century," Michael groaned. "You can't make funny jokes about black people anymore. Why is it that Chris Rock is allowed to make funny jokes, and I can't? Where is the freedom of speech?"

Alex ignored him. "What about the other two?"

"Oh, right! Well, this is Ryan, he's my BFF" – Ryan gave a nasty look to Michael – "and this is Creed. He's the oldest worker in the office, and his job is to be an old man who smells." Michael laughed at his own joke.

"Okay, contestants, you stand at these podiums here," directed a cameraman. "Oh, and in the middle of the game, Alex will interview you. Don't worry, he won't ask embarrassing questions."

"Like asking about the time Ryan nearly burned the office down?" giggled Michael. "That was hilarious!"

"Sir, if you're going to make cracks like that, maybe you should leave," the cameraman snapped.

Ryan tried to mediate the situation. "Sorry, guys. When Michael gets excited, he tends to make more jokes than usual."

The cameraman sighed. "Okay, well, just… just make sure that he's not present when we film."

* * *

"Why did Michael even organise this?" Ryan asked the camera. "And what did I do to deserve being a contestant? Why did Michael call me his BFF? Just... why?" He put his head in his hands.

* * *

"Are we getting paid to do this?" Stanley asked another cameraman.

"Yeah. About two hundred."

"Are you out of your damned mind?" yelled Stanley. "I slave away at this office, and I get paid $200 for being in a stupid game show?" He stormed off.

"Stanley, wait!" Michael yelled. "We need racial equality for the show! WHAT WOULD MORGAN FREEMAN DO?!"

* * *

 **AN: Hope this chapter satisfied your appetite. More will be coming shortly! -JonoGwood**


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